The "L" Word

May 7, 2018

Who do you think you are?  

Shouting to me from across more than one sea “If it’s meant to be, it will be”.  

As if love can be safely propped up on the fingertips of stars,

as if the sun were to finally get a grip on reality

and say something like despite how bright she’s been burning lately she’s actually been feeling like concealing some of her light,

how refreshing it would feel to slip behind the moon for a while.  

But everyone knows that not even a planet could disguise the kind of monsoon

I see forming in your eyes.  

A tidal wave of words are crashing my way

and I’ve never been one for surfing but I’m damn well going to try.  

And I know that I’ve never even looked in your eyes

so maybe it’s your words that’ve got me feeling sky high.

You tell me that you’ve been “contemplating the L word”  

You dance around the syllables that sound like “love”

with the kind of wariness we ran from the word “fuck” as children.  

You try and use the letter L as a selling point,

offering up your heart for a dollar a day

but I’m ready to pay in the hundreds,

and if forever is as long as it takes

then I guess I’m going to be here for a while.  

I’ve got a stockpile of savings

from every time I’ve had to pick my broken heart out of the trash

and cash it in for recycling.  

But this time when you dump me out,

I’m going to spend as long as it takes in the rubble looking for the rest of those letters, forever solving the puzzle of “the L word”.  

You told me that you’re not afraid to fall but  

But the fear of heights is the number one fear for a reason

and no one really knows the feeling of the fall

until after you’ve played the part of the rag doll.  

Our moms and dads told us when we were younger,

“When you’re hurt, 911 is the number you call”, so we called.  

But even the kindest doctor cannot foster the broken heart.  

So accept the fact that we’re going to fall,

and figure out what it’s gonna take to fly.  

I want to be the kind of friend that brings along a spare pair of wings for the whoever can’t afford the airfare of another broken dream.  

It seems like we’ve just been sitting here waiting for the cloud cover to clear,

but maybe it’s time we learned how to dance in the rain.  

I want to move my body so unapologetically that the mad scientist calls up the cat lady just to say, “Damn, that girl’s insane”.  

Because insanity has only ever been a measurement of how much life we’re willing to get out of living.  

We were never made to stay sitting so take my hand

because it is time to stand and jump up off of this ground that keeps trying to ground us.

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